Thursday, January 17, 2008

off topic but fun none-the-less

stupid news from south dakota

i know i haven't done one of these in quite awhile, but as this is the first really cold day we have had this winter, it kind of made me wonder why i live here in the first place.

first lets start with our state legislature. this years 35 day session has seen a lot of bills introduced. although the deadline for submitting is still a few days away, there are three of note that i would like to share with you.
hb1210 prohibit recyclers, scrap metal dealers, or scrap yard operators from purchasing certain beer kegs. [edit:huh? what if they are thirsty or tossing a party?]
SB111 extend the prohibition of road hunting of big game to include all firearms. [edit: so what firearms could you use?]
and finely (i cant find the number now) is a bill that the Game Fish and Parks department will have to pay you $200 if you hit a deer with your car. [edit: party on garth!]

now im sure you are sitting there like i was going huh? but if you think about it with a twisted mind like i have you will see an opportunity here..... i am going to go purchase an old pickup, around 1975, and weld on a bumper that looks like an Abrams tank and go for a drive! ill never have to swerve again! im thinking with all the extra money from the GFP i wont have to recycle my beer kegs ever again. is this a great state or what?

anyway this morning arrived with a temperature of -12. as this is the coldest morning we have seen so far i thought i would jot down a couple of safety reminders for those who live in warmer country....

1. do not stick any exposed body part against metal. this is not funny, where do you think politicians get the forked tong? some bully made them stick it to a flag pole...
2. always put your keys in an outside accessible pocket. when you have to take your glove off and dig through 5 layers of jacket, coat, scarf, coveralls, pants. you seem to be standing on the door step doing the jiggy dance. [edit: expecaly if you are dealing with #5 below]
3. never put your keys in your mouth while trying to put your glove back on. see note 1
4. spit will not freeze before it hits the ground until the temp is -22. don't try it, it is disgusting and frozen spit will stay there until june.
5. be prepared to make two trips back into the house. i have noticed as i get older, when going out into Arctic conditions, certain body functions demand attention (please note the 5 layers).

that's all for now... i wouldn't want to live anywhere else

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